Thoughts About Staying At Home.

So this is what it's like huh; staying at home! Well, I've done it, tried it, still have some time until Sept. 30th (Maternity Leave) then it's over and thats okay with me. I see what it's like and I'm over it. Don't get me wrong, if I had no choice but to stay at home, then that's what I would do. Even if I was afforded the opportunity to stay at home I wouldn't...... Well I take that back, I would stay at home to be in school full time during the day. Then once I'm done, it's off to work for me with a wonderful career. Something to call my own! 

I'm trying to figure out if this is selfish that I would rather be at work for 40 hours a week including the kids at daycare,  or if I just enjoy the independence. I'm still able to be mommy, a wife, maintain my home and bring financial stability to the household as well. Lord knows I wouldn't want to be forced to stay at home, just given the CHOICE, I would have to say no thanks. I'm grateful that I'm able to be an asset at home and on the job. I did however look forward to maternity leave. 

I couldn't wait to be at home with the kids. Take morning walks with the runners, fast pacers and dog walkers like I saw them doing every morning when we left for work.  I wanted to be extremly lazy while Gabrielle enjoyed every ounce of her summer. I envisioned Roger coming home and magic would happen. Now given the opportunity, I've learned a few things about this whole ordeal including myself. 

For example, I really enjoy taking care of home. I enjoyed Roger coming home to cooked meals, a clean house, fed an bathed children and no worries, just clean up and go to bed, start over the next day. Now don't get me wrong, I'm able to do this after work, we just never ate until 7 ish, being at home it's 5:10 on the dot, dishes cleared by 6! 

After a few days of this perfect situation of kids bathed, including me, diner ready by 5,  etc. I realized that once Roger got home and we ate, I headed straight upstairs and really didn't want to be bothered. Who would after having a day of running around with a toddler, newborn, trying to use the bathroom while keeping a eye out for things, naps, hugs, blah blah blah. And not every stay at home mom has children this small, but their kids are in some age group that stil requires what I've just mentioned. 

Usually I let the house go from morning to about 2 with Gabi and her activities and whatever else I dont feel like picking up 2-4 times a day. After making Gabrielle and I a few meals a day, I soon had to realize that I had to clean up after each feeding or else the dishes would be to much to clean once diner got started. And we eat very well every morning, grits pots, greasy bacon or sausage pots, pancakes. Can someone say hello paper plates and cups, but even that doesn't matter. 

Then it's off to baths, quick vacuum on the first floor, turn the oven on, cook, bake, don't burn it and when it's time for  hubby to come home, I still look like I did in my sleep when Roger left. It's team to much! This past two weeks, I've just started wearing clothes in the house, It was a nursing bra and shorts. Now I'm learning how to get myself together right before diner and comb my hair down and spray a little Victoria Secrets, only to go rest once Roger gets home. 

I have however REALLY mastered my meal plan at the beginning of the week and acted it out accordingly. I also have learned that in order for Roger and I to have more time, the kids had to be bathed and dishes done as I went along cooking. The more time spent doing the ready for bed stuff in the later afternoon frees up some time for us. I also have amazed myself at getting my food thawed, seasoned/ marinated and ready to go for the next day! Superwoman with an S on my milky chest! 

And boy the fast food bill for Fridays an Saturdays have gone up with me cooking all week. It's my good job Jocelyn pat yourself on the back. I'm also making more for Roger to take to work the next day! It's awesome. So don't get me wrong this i enjoy and will miss when the hustle begans and not getting home until 5. Things may get a little fast foody really quick. But I'm gonna hold on to this discipline, especially with two in childcare. 

Maybe staying at home may be different if the kids were older. Either way, whether its staying at home full time or working full time, it's a job in itself. I just don't know when to find time for myself while staying at home.  Some days I'm running out of there as soon as Roger gets home, talk about a wussa moment. 

It's been a wonderful learning experience and I will leave it at that!