Two Months Already

I'm not mad at all that you've already turned 8 weeks. It's exiting watching you grow and become more alert each day. Honestly, these next few up comings months, is when it gets really fun. The smiles and laughs, baby talk, the the little baby jar food, teething, crawling. It's gonna be busy, but a fun busy! 

Your sister just can't get enough of you. She wants you wide awake just so she can entertain you. Sometimes when you're asleep, she goes in your face and yells, "Braxton are you SLEEPING", as if your eyes aren't closed. Her whining however has gotten worse, especially at the times I need her to settle down. 

When you're not available however, she does know how to entertain herself! It's funny because sometimes when she gets mistreated or tired of playing with her little friends, she always resorts back to playing by herself, especially if we're home. 

You on the other hand buddy just loves to be held. And you'll fall asleep instantly. Put you down and wide awake! 

The best moment EVER! Naps

Ahhhh yes. This is the life. A total of 2 hours alone, we'll not exactly alone, but you know what I mean. This was indeed a Kodak moment. 2 horses people, two hours. I was totally revived after they awoke. I ate lunch peacefully, watched a few recorded shows and even rested myself..........mmmmmmmm the best. Now back to making diner before Roger gets home and off to school it is! 

Breakfast at Gabrielle's

Skinny Meat Girl Subs!

Is it Possible at 7 Weeks

Is it possible for my little boy to be spoiled at 7 weeks old............um yeah! 

Is it possible that I might have spoiled this little being........... Sigh...... Yeah

He's just so darn cute, I can't help it. I know I'm setting myself up for failure in the long run...... Forget long run, it's now that its officially getting to me. When I want to use the restroom, make a wafle in our new Belgium waffle maker and not Eggo waffles, study or simply eat my food with two hands is when it hits me that I've spoiled my son to the point where he can't sit down for 2 seconds. 

Well what is a momma to do besides love on him some more! He's still eating every two hours which is making me think that he's not getting enough. According to the general rule of thumb with regards to breadtfeeding, the pampers tell the story. He has tons of wet ones so I guess he getting enough. 

What's fun and exciting is that literally overnight and right on schedule with baby development has been the beginning of cooing and smiles from high pitches voice and our faces. This is the moment everyone has been waiting for, and it only gets better as the weeks go on. 

He's also found his hands and he devours them. 

That's my Braxy Boy as Gabi likes to call him! By the way she totally loves him. 

1st Night Home From School!

I prepared myself for this night as best a I could. 

Ordered books last week, although they have yet to ship,

Made this weeks meal plan, shopped for all ingredients, no mid week trips

Gabrielle's hair in braids for the week

Laundry done all shapes, sizes, colors, sheets and towels

Bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchen all cleaned thoroughly for the week

And things still went crazy at the very last minute. 

Monday began with a trip to the office for my six week appointment. All went very well, especially considering I only traveled with one kid and I didn't feel over whelmed. I was able to enjoy the familiar faces at work, get a few laughs and hugs, physical exam, boom bang pow! 

I left the office at a decent time and headed to get my neice her compensation for babysitting ( Carmel frappe). I was so happy to find Gabrielle right in her element amongst her cousins playing cars and behaving for goodness sake. She had spent the night with my sister, so she sorta missed me. About time we left it was lunch time and we enjoyed Wendy's an went home. 

So all is going well, made Agee phone to the school in hopes of getting my books before class. Come to find out my best option was to go to the main campus and physically pick them up as opposed to having them mailed. Now mind you, the main campus is VERY far. I on the other hand have online classes and one class that's at a remote location without the books that I need. So what did this mean, I had to pack up the kids and haul over to the campus before my 6:30 class. Roger needed to be picked up at 4:30 and it was already going on 2:30. I decided to get ahead if the game an make diner and clean up those dishes before leaving. 

Okay no biggie! Chopped up tons of peppers, scallions, tomatoes for my spaghetti, Braxton strapped to me and Gabrielle crying for an ice pop. I managed to get spaghetti ready, the kids ready for the long haul and out the door I went.

Ten minutes into my driving, my thermostat reads H for hot. My car starts to smoke and I got off the nearest exit. Really car, was this really happening to me right now. Our battery just needed to be replaced last week and this couldn't be happening right now. Why now is al I thought as well as the devil and his plans to step in when things are going well. 

I pulled over and the car smelled and smoked so bad, getting my books another 30 minutes away was out of the question. Homework, class that night, auto shop just kept replying over and over as I turned around to head home. Not even 10 minutes later getting off the nearest exit home, my car stops and smokes out...................

I immediately panicked and began calling everyone for help. Luckily the kids we asleep, but here I was in the middle of the road, stuck with a 7 week old  and my 2 year old in the rain and no one answering there phone. I for one have NO idea about cars, sadly my husband doesn't either whom was at work. Ugggg, I get emotional just thinking about how many cars passed me by with a smoking car, unloading two kids on the side of the road. I learned about this in school. its called the bystander effect. One person assumes that one person has been notified so they keep going. After what felt like the millionth car, a young boy with a pick up truck finally pulled over and asked if I need help. With tears in my eyes, Braxton trying to remain calm and Gabrielle looking at me with one million questions in her eyes, in gladly accepted the offer. We had to get the car on the side walk with the car in neutral and my kids in his car. Totally just crushed me having to entrust this man with myself and my kids. What else was I supposed to do. My instancts old me that he was okay, so I just went with it and we managed to get another group of young boys to help push the car. 

For the record, never judge a book by its cover. There were at least 5 cars with women who looked right in my eyes and the situation and kept on going! 

Anyhow, we got home and I still hadn't gotten in touch with anyone. Crying was an understatement, this has never gapped to me before, nor my car. My emotions were all over the place and I couldn't help but think about my kids being trapped out there, school, Roger getting home from work, next week, next month, everything. I finally called my rental insurance and they advised me on what what to do and that the tow service was free. Fast forward a few hours later the car was picked up, brought to Prescion Tune and left there until morning. Off to school I went with the jello of my sister, my friend Marlyne who picked up Roger and my brother in law who waited at the car for the tow!  

6 Week Pics

Breakfast at Gabrielle's

Coconut Rice & Peas

Brown Stew Chicken

Well Gabs, mommy took daddy back home to Trinidad and made him a delicious meal from the Island!

5 Weeks and As Cute As Can Be!

I'm a few days late with this picture,  but this is my Braxi Boy at 5 weeks! I feel like he's been here forever! This is my boy man, like seriously! I can be in such a deep sleep and no matter how many times I'm awaken by his feeding cues, it's such a pleasure see that face. We do our thing for about 5 minutes and then he's sleep before I can burp him. 

I'm so confident in his latch that I've been on a mission since this past Monday. It was time to start on bottles.  And what better time than now since I had plans to make it to bible study this past Thursday and to be in the presence of God on Sunday, streaming just wasnt enough! And what do you know, my boy is great at it, and Roger is involved.  

Love it! Lets not even talk about my Target trips and every where else my car would take me! My course of action was to leave as soon as he nursed from me. This gives  me 2 hours, then an extra 2 hours because when it's time to eat again, he would have the bottle. Exhale, haaaaaaaa, love it. Although I never took that long, I enjoyed not having to rush back home. 

Chuch was amazing as always. Of course everyone was looking for the whole package ( gabrielle, roger and braxton) but they have to wait until shots at least. The girls ( boobs) hung pretty tight for me, luckily. I did however after 4 hours start to feel a little tingling sensation and they were becoming pretty full. I'm sure I came in one bra size and left church another, lol. It gave me a glimpse at what it would be and feel like for when we all return, just havn't decided what I'm gonna do yet. 

Okay okay back to you Braxton boy! Baby either you're super strong, or you wanna do push ups, or at 5 weeks you're supposed to be lifting your arms and head like this. 

It was the cutest, strangest thing ever. Gabrielle was still limp at 5 weeks. Other baby things have not yet changed though. You're still eating every two hours, size one pampers and 0-3 month clothing of course. You're starting to sleep on your stomach a lot which is s no no for daycare. What's the story of our lives is that you when someone I'd holding you, they must pace and bounce around in order to keep your interest. 

Thoughts About Staying At Home.

So this is what it's like huh; staying at home! Well, I've done it, tried it, still have some time until Sept. 30th (Maternity Leave) then it's over and thats okay with me. I see what it's like and I'm over it. Don't get me wrong, if I had no choice but to stay at home, then that's what I would do. Even if I was afforded the opportunity to stay at home I wouldn't...... Well I take that back, I would stay at home to be in school full time during the day. Then once I'm done, it's off to work for me with a wonderful career. Something to call my own! 

I'm trying to figure out if this is selfish that I would rather be at work for 40 hours a week including the kids at daycare,  or if I just enjoy the independence. I'm still able to be mommy, a wife, maintain my home and bring financial stability to the household as well. Lord knows I wouldn't want to be forced to stay at home, just given the CHOICE, I would have to say no thanks. I'm grateful that I'm able to be an asset at home and on the job. I did however look forward to maternity leave. 

I couldn't wait to be at home with the kids. Take morning walks with the runners, fast pacers and dog walkers like I saw them doing every morning when we left for work.  I wanted to be extremly lazy while Gabrielle enjoyed every ounce of her summer. I envisioned Roger coming home and magic would happen. Now given the opportunity, I've learned a few things about this whole ordeal including myself. 

For example, I really enjoy taking care of home. I enjoyed Roger coming home to cooked meals, a clean house, fed an bathed children and no worries, just clean up and go to bed, start over the next day. Now don't get me wrong, I'm able to do this after work, we just never ate until 7 ish, being at home it's 5:10 on the dot, dishes cleared by 6! 

After a few days of this perfect situation of kids bathed, including me, diner ready by 5,  etc. I realized that once Roger got home and we ate, I headed straight upstairs and really didn't want to be bothered. Who would after having a day of running around with a toddler, newborn, trying to use the bathroom while keeping a eye out for things, naps, hugs, blah blah blah. And not every stay at home mom has children this small, but their kids are in some age group that stil requires what I've just mentioned. 

Usually I let the house go from morning to about 2 with Gabi and her activities and whatever else I dont feel like picking up 2-4 times a day. After making Gabrielle and I a few meals a day, I soon had to realize that I had to clean up after each feeding or else the dishes would be to much to clean once diner got started. And we eat very well every morning, grits pots, greasy bacon or sausage pots, pancakes. Can someone say hello paper plates and cups, but even that doesn't matter. 

Then it's off to baths, quick vacuum on the first floor, turn the oven on, cook, bake, don't burn it and when it's time for  hubby to come home, I still look like I did in my sleep when Roger left. It's team to much! This past two weeks, I've just started wearing clothes in the house, It was a nursing bra and shorts. Now I'm learning how to get myself together right before diner and comb my hair down and spray a little Victoria Secrets, only to go rest once Roger gets home. 

I have however REALLY mastered my meal plan at the beginning of the week and acted it out accordingly. I also have learned that in order for Roger and I to have more time, the kids had to be bathed and dishes done as I went along cooking. The more time spent doing the ready for bed stuff in the later afternoon frees up some time for us. I also have amazed myself at getting my food thawed, seasoned/ marinated and ready to go for the next day! Superwoman with an S on my milky chest! 

And boy the fast food bill for Fridays an Saturdays have gone up with me cooking all week. It's my good job Jocelyn pat yourself on the back. I'm also making more for Roger to take to work the next day! It's awesome. So don't get me wrong this i enjoy and will miss when the hustle begans and not getting home until 5. Things may get a little fast foody really quick. But I'm gonna hold on to this discipline, especially with two in childcare. 

Maybe staying at home may be different if the kids were older. Either way, whether its staying at home full time or working full time, it's a job in itself. I just don't know when to find time for myself while staying at home.  Some days I'm running out of there as soon as Roger gets home, talk about a wussa moment. 

It's been a wonderful learning experience and I will leave it at that! 

Should've. Would've. Could've.

" I should've  been done already"

" I could've been done long time ago"

" I would've been a Nurse by now" 

Do you know how often I beat myself up about this? How long I've been chasing this dream, trying to make it my reality! And for goodness sake my a husband reality as well. Since Roger and I dated back in our second year of college, he saw me striving towards this dream. Half of the time skipping out on class to roam the courtyard with him, so in love, but so stupid. That was 7 years ago, maybe longer and still my dream has not come true. Have I gotten closer to pursuing it? In my opinion, not at all. Of course others may not see not if that way. 

To be honest, my grades didn't stand a chance at applying to nursing school. I couldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole. After  I had no other way into the hospital environment besides taking something that was in the health field. That was obtaining my phlebotomy certification at 8 mints pregnant. After the two dead beat jobs I held down once I moved here from New York, I had to do something other than shuffle around paper. Shuffling around paper in New York made me close to 35,000 a year right out of college as a receptionist.  In North Carolina, please, forget about it. So at 8 months preggers with Gabi, I completed a phlebotomy course and I've been at Rex ever since. So this now got me in the door. It's given me a better insight to the logistics to the medical field, and I so want in now more than ever. Only, I'm starting from scratch practically, at 29 with a newborn, a toddler, husband and a home to maintain, not to mention the growing loans that keep accruing!

I can't help but beat myself up once on a while for not being a nurse by now. That was up until Monday after a very log walk  with my kids.  The thing is, I always looked at how much time I wasted, and his i would be 30 next year. Then when looked at these faces! 

I realized that I still had their whole lives ahead of me. I can totally forget about how much time I've wasted, but how much I now how to invest in their well being.  Becoming a nurse will give me not only the financial stability, but also the time with my kids working 3 days a week.  Most importantly, I will feel complete because I'm where I'm supposed to be. Drawing blood don't get me wrong is good experience, but I want and can do SO much more. I can't see my self settling for what I know I'm not meant to do.  I truly believe that The Lord gave me this job to open my eyes and also to give me something under my belt.     At this point it's what I need with the responsibilities that I now have. I'm in a student pool where some have no responsibilities, brainiacs, or those like me that have some experience. I'm hoping this takes me along the way and allows me to be more confident  during clinically, etc. 

I wrote all of this to one day, when I'm finished to look back and read this post. To be able to tell myself, see Jocelyn you did it. You never have up and now you can enjoy your kids, your new career and  take Roger on a very long vacation for putting up with baths, diner, bedtime and his alone time while I was out making it happen. Trust me, my first check deposited as a nurse will be on all four of us, with my sisters and her family in tow. I know for sure that I won't be able to complete this without their help as well. 

The Joy of The Lord is my Strength

This is really HARD! A mother of two, a wife, a full time student, a sister, an aunt, being myself, a daughter, a Christian, a full time employee; how does one juggle it all! Above all theses titles, the most important of them all is me being a Christian.  I wouldn't be able to go on without knowing the promises of God an what he has in store for me. I know that the Lord wouldn't put more on me than I can bare. Finishing school, raising two beautiful children and being a wife to my husband all the while maintaining a spiritual relationship with God is going to be my testimony! 

Romans 5:3-4 ESV / 351

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. 

What more is there to say when you read this. It's just hard when you haven't done anything but yelled at your two year old more than you've spoken softly to her, or told her you'd be right there for the hundredth time, only to get caught up in something else again.  Poor Gabrielle is taking it one step, pop, go to your room, one day at a time. I can't keep up with little big mama and I'm so sorry! My sister does a wonderful job of taking her for the weekends which she truly enjoys. I just have to wait it out and continue to do what I can and when I can. 

Roger and her went to church this Sunday and it was actually the first time me and Braxton Boy has been alone, very relaxing, he was my bra, but very relaxing. When I say bra, I do mean that he was just always on me! 

I had diner ready for them when they got home! Love Sunday diners. 

 

Turkey wings, Cabbage, White rice and Creamed corn/ corn bread. 

Roger enjoyed it thoroughly as always. I'm at least happy to please him through his stomach and make sure things are right at home when he gets there. We have no time for each other its sickening and also something we have to wait out. We have to put our needs aside which is hard after a long day for the both of us. All we can do is get a quick hug, smooch, then it's to business with the kids! I guess it will make a vacation more worth the wild! We at least get to sit down and watch out show on NetFlix every night with the kids in tow of course. Recently we've all eaten first before Roger eats because Braxton is hollering to be held, then we switch once I'm done. Just yesterday while he was sleep on the coach and Braxton dozes off after nursing, I just watched him sleep for a few. He was so adorable sleep and I missed him so much that I had to wake him up and just love on him for 5 minutes. It was the best personal five minutes we've had in a while! Crazy!  I can't wait until we get back into the grove of things. It may very well be a little while, but we both know how important and crucial this time is. The weekends has now be one our most important today's because he's at home and we're together for the whole time. Gabrielle will even slip and ask are you leaving, thinking that its a work day! 

With school coming up for me in two weeks, I can't help but think of what will happen then. I really have to stay focused    and ask The Lord for strength for both Roger and I. The message to day at church was awesome. I streamed in as well as for to hear that they that wait on The Lord, he shall renew our strength. We shall run and not be weary and walk and not faint. The key to it was are we waiting on The Lord, or is he waiting on us. Also while we wait, we need to see the blessing in our situations and take as much as we can from it and ask ourselves is there something we am be doing better. 

When I thought how I'm waiting for our current situation to get better, and dreading when things, well I don't want to say dreading ( referring to when we start to pay for 2 kids in daycare) I must realize that The Lord is allowing us to make this happen. Just while I wait I have to see how things can get better just by me improving my approach to things I'm having a hard time dealing with. My first ad most important is dealing with my daughter whom I feel is really changing in spite if our now family of four. Not to mention how I've taking her out if school to only wind up being in the house with me when I'm happy, frustrated, been nursing all day and trying to catch some sleep. Roger an I are gearing up to send her to the new school quicker than expected. 

I'm also gonna make sure that before school starts to get my act together. It makes no sense for me to dread this because its what I want, to finish school and become a nurse. I'm dreading it because its something else on my plate, Braxton is barley 8 weeks old and two day out for the week after work Roger an I have to our game faces on and take charge of two infants snack dead after work. It  can be done because we did it who it was just Gabrielle, but it my be a little more trying. But like I said, we have to pray and see the bigger picture...........

Braxton is finished nursing I'm off to sleep.........

Until later!